the constant battle to be genuine

these past couple months getting ready for africa have been an interesting road. i feel a lot more peace and confidence and hope in God and in His mercy, grace, and love. He has been teaching me a lot lately of how much He values joy and resting in Him. the past year+ has been really hard for me and a few weeks ago i felt the Holy Spirit telling me its because i don't trust/believe in the way He loves me. from there He started showing me to rest in Him. in that rest i find trust and faith. in that rest i hear His voice. and in that rest my heart is softened and heeds His Words. in this rest is where i've begun to rediscover the joy of life and the physical/spiritual/and mental rest. a couple nights ago the Lord added to these revelations He has been giving me thru His Word; His unfailing, unrelenting Word:

"Woe to him who strives with his Maker!"
-Isaiah 45:9

He loves and longs for us to just REST! and to believe in Him. that He is our Father and that we are sons and daughters of the living God!!!!

"But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, "Abba, Father!" Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ."
-Galations 4:4-7

we are no longer slaves. we are sons and daughters. i feel the reality of this coming more and more to fruition and it is beautiful. i am not going to africa as a servant nor to serve. i am going there as a son who wants to know the depths of his Father's heart.